I've found that conversations can be tedious, draining, and get very awkward very quickly if I'm only speaking about my needs, my services, or myself. The struggle I've had personally when speaking with someone new or outside of my normal bubble was that I hadn't known what to ask or say to keep the conversation natural and flowing.

Why Do Conversations Feel So Hard?

What makes an effective communicator? This question lingered in my mind every time I found myself stuck in a stagnant conversation. I realized that my self-centered approach was the root of the issue. I was so focused on what I wanted to say that I left no room for genuine connection. This was a game-changer for me. I knew I had to shift my focus to become a better communicator.

I wanted to change how I communicated with others, become a better listener, and foster mutual interest in conversations, but learning to do so wasn't easy. It took time, introspection, and practice to make that happen. Here’s what I found that really works.

Focus on Others First

One of the most effective strategies I’ve adopted is shifting the focus away from myself. Before I talk about what I do, I remind myself to learn enough about the other person to be able to give them two really good referrals for their business. It has worked miracles.

This simple shift forces me to ask relevant and genuine questions, keeping the conversation natural and engaging. Essentially, I'm learning to change my interests and align them with the needs and goals of whomever I’m speaking with. Not only has this made conversations more enjoyable, but it has also led to strong relationships and unexpected referrals. In fact, some of the best networking moments have come from these interactions. (For more on networking strategies, check out our article on The Power of Networking: Connecting Businesses and Opportunities.)

How Do I Become a Better Communicator?

Becoming a better communicator isn't just about talking less—it’s about listening more effectively. Active listening is key. Here are some actionable steps that have helped me improve my communication skills:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of yes/no questions, ask questions that encourage storytelling. For example, “What inspired you to start your business?”

2. Practice Active Listening: Maintain eye contact, nod in agreement, and avoid interrupting. Reflect back what the other person has said to show you understand.

3. Be Present: Put away distractions and focus on the conversation at hand. Nothing kills a conversation faster than divided attention.

4. Find Common Ground: Identify shared interests or goals to build a more engaging dialogue.

5. Adjust Your Energy: Match the tone and enthusiasm of the person you’re speaking with to create a more comfortable interaction.

If you're wondering, What makes an effective communicator? the answer lies in genuine curiosity, adaptability, and empathy. A great communicator makes the other person feel heard and valued. 

Real-Life Application

This strategy doesn’t just work in professional settings—it applies everywhere. Whether I’m on a plane, at church, at work, or sitting at a baseball game, focusing on others makes conversations easier and more enjoyable. Over time, I’ve noticed that my interactions feel less forced and more meaningful.

I’ve learned that having meaningful conversations takes effort and discipline, but the rewards are worth it. When I focus on others and show genuine interest in what they have to say, conversations flow naturally, and relationships grow effortlessly. And the best part? The more I practice, the more natural it becomes.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever struggled with awkward conversations, shifting your focus outward might be the key to improvement. Instead of worrying about what to say next, focus on learning about the other person. Not only will this make you a better communicator, but it will also open doors to deeper relationships and unexpected opportunities.

Next time you find yourself in a conversation, ask yourself: How can I add value to this person’s life? That mindset shift might just change the way you communicate forever.